The day after Krismas.

I had to take an antinausea pill earlier today. Again, though, it's difficult to tell what's being caused by flagyl, or the antibiotic, or the chemo, or if it's all three acting together. Whatever is happening, though, what tends to happen is I get really hungry. So I eat something. Then whatever I've eaten makes me nauseated and leaves an icky taste in my mouth. So occasionally I take meds for the nausea part, but I still try to combat the icky taste and hunger feeling by eating more.

I think it's the steroids they give me a chemo making me so damned hungry. I lost 23ish lbs during the c. diff. debacle, and I'm afraid I'll fast put it back on if I'm not careful. Today already (it's 2:30) I've eaten a half bagel with cream cheese and orange marmalade, a bowl of cheerios, half of a clementine, a half PB sandwich with honey, and a roll with ham. Gah! Enough to feed a starving family in India for weeks! No more food today!!! Must exercise.

It's Krismas!

And surprisingly I don't feel too very bad today (so far--it's still early). Yesterday wasn't all that bad, either. I had to take anti-nausea drug #2 (which is a rare occurrence) and I was tired, but all in all it was a pretty good day. And again, it's hard to tell what's being caused by the chemo/radiation and what's being caused by the icky medications.

Speaking of...did I mention I have a new UTI? Yep, yet again. Of course I'm afraid the c. diff. will rear its ugly head because of the antibiotics and then I'll have to go on something nastier and stronger to get rid of the c. diff. and then I'll get another UTI, and so on and so forth forever and ever amen. But...maybe not. Maybe I'll take this antibiotic, get rid of my UTI, and at the same time be done with this c. diff. and we'll all live happily ever after.

Time to go get in the shower before the family onslaught. Merry Krismas!!

It's official: I suck as a blogger. Very good damned thing I'm not depending upon for my living, I'd be homeless.

So where did I leave off? I can't remember.

I had/have cervical cancer. And I had surgery. And now I have to have radiation and chemo. That's about it in a nutshell.

Today is my second round of chemo. (Only four more to go!) My first was last Wednesday and the day of it wasn't too bad. But the next day was terrible. I was nauseated and terribly tired. Same thing the next day. But by Saturday I was feeling some better and Sunday I was as up to snuff as I get these days. Of course, it doesn't help at all that I am taking Flagyl, which can make a body nauseated all by itself. The Flagyl, though, has stopped the constant gastro distress, which is an incredibly good thing. I certainly don't miss that whole ordeal. Anyway, point is that Krismas is in two days and if this time is like last time I'm not going to have such a great day. But maybe it won't be so bad. Think positively Carmen!

Bleh.

Invasive cervical cancer, that is.

And I've thought long and hard about this whole blog thing. A part of me wants to do it and a part of me doesn't. The part of me that doesn't is the part that wants this whole ordeal to be the hell over, never to be thought of again and the other part of me knows that it could be good to just jot down what's going on, if for no other purpose than to compare my progress from one day to the next.

But the BLOG part vs. just a personal diary...I have struggled with that, too. I'm not sure that I really want to share my thoughts about what is going on with me simply because these thoughts might hurt or offend some people and that is not my goal. Yet I wouldn't mind sharing with some people, those who I know would read what I have to say and understand that it's not about them. And really, the fact that unless I specifically tell someone this blog is here, no one will ever know, which is how I plan to operate (and which is what I have done with my B-Blog anyway).

So about this whole cancer thing...

I was diagnosed with invasive cervical cancer, for the second time in my life (first time was in 2002), this past October. I cannot now remember the exact date, I think it might've been the 19th because I had a hysteroscopy on the 17th and by the 21st I was having a cone biopsy, but that seems like an awfully fast turnaround time...maybe Donald knows for sure, but at any rate, sometime mid-October.

The hysteroscopy. My GYN performed that procedure, which revealed the invasive squamous cell carcinoma. Then I saw a GYN oncologist, Dr. Jones (Cancer Centers of NC), who performed a cone biopsy that staged the cancer. Stage IB2. This means an early stage tumor >4cm.

Oh god, it's just too late to go on. I have a doctor's appt at 8:30 a.m. (seeing the chemo doc to let him know that I am going to go through with CT) and it's 11:15 already. I'll finish this up later.